CQFF Survival 101

[xbolt]

Or: How to Survive Your First Day at the CQFF

If you are a new person who is reading this for the first time, welcome! It's great to have you on board, and we hope you have a great time! I have put together a comprehensive guide to surviving your first day here, per the request of ChexMaster2109, a new member who was confused when we told him about the 'stranger' things that go on here. I hope this will be of help to you. That said, here are the three basic rules that everyone should know:

#1: Avoid the West Wing at any cost. Some time ago, Purple Lampposts appeared there, and we do not know why. There are several theories floating around, but none have been proven as of this writing. They are extremely hazardous, and will not hesitate to eat your soul if given the chance. This is an artist's rendition of a Purple Lamppost: http://www.xboltz.net/stuff/purplelamp.bmp

#2: Ginger Ale is the only known counter to the Lampposts. It has been proven that the Ale has an adverse effect on the Lampposts, and they will almost always avoid you if they know you possess some. So you should carry some on your person at all times. But even so, for your own safety, the West Wing should be considered OFF LIMITS under all circumstances. There have been accidents involving the Lampposts in the past, and we do not wish to see anyone else harmed in the same manner.

#3: Do not feed Loremaster after midnight. I don't fully understand the exact reasons for this myself, but Loremaster will go into a frenzy if he is fed after midnight. This is a fairly simple rule to follow, but there have been casualties resulting from a failure to follow it.

Just follow these rules, and you will have a great time during your stay here. Good luck, and stay safe!


Appendix A: The three preceding rules form the core of safety procedures here, and are the three that are traditionally told to newcomers. In addition to them, there are numerous guidelines that are not universally agreed upon, but will still be useful to you. These additions can be found in the posts that follow:

[Kuwabara]

Another rule: Some members are allergic to the word "desu". Excessive use of the word will cause some to foam at the mouth and attack in a sickened RAGE.

[Allen Walker]

Another rule: If you flame TF2 you will be jumped. If you flame Vocaloid you will be jumped. If you do not bow down to me, you will be jumped.

[brain candy]

#3: Do not feed Loremaster after midnight. I don't fully understand the exact reasons for this myself, but Loremaster will go into a frenzy if he is fed after midnight. This is a fairly simple rule to follow, but there have been casualties resulting from a failure to follow it.

Do not feed Lore after midnight or else he'll turn into this:

[Loremaster]

#3: Do not feed Loremaster after midnight. I don't fully understand the exact reasons for this myself, but Loremaster will go into a frenzy if he is fed after midnight. This is a fairly simple rule to follow, but there have been casualties resulting from a failure to follow it.

Do not feed Lore after midnight or else he'll turn into this:

No, that's AFTER I'm done being horrid after being fed after midnight.

This is what happens if you feed me after midnight:


Which is caused by this:


Oh, Great Mother, forgive me for I cannot resist your Siren's Call...

[Richie]

Should I pin this in Introductions, pin it here, or leave it alone? 

[Allen Walker]

This should be in introductions. It'll give me a good excuse to actually go there. 

[Pikazec2012]

Pin in it in introducions or in bored rules. also i think Tmob should add they paragraph about the nerd whale

[matthias720]

This topic has been a long time coming.  Should we add the bit about the zorch experiment that went awry and created that horrible randomness beast that roams the forums from time to time in search of hapless victims?

*EDIT: PS. We should pin this at the beginning of Introductions.

[Batmanifestdestiny]

This topic has been a long time coming.  Should we add the bit about the zorch experiment that went awry and created that horrible randomness beast that roams the forums from time to time in search of hapless victims?

me?


Also, don't forget this rule: try not to fail too much, for the fail whale can smell failure a mile away, and eats all who fail themselves or utter the word fail towards others.

[ChexCommander]

This topic has been a long time coming.  Should we add the bit about the zorch experiment that went awry and created that horrible randomness beast that roams the forums from time to time in search of hapless victims?

me?


Also, don't forget this rule: try not to fail too much, for the fail whale can smell failure a mile away, and eats all who fail themselves or utter the word fail towards others.

Of course, the fail whale sends them to the abysses of Forum Games. (btw, you still have that pic, bmd?)

Matthias: What experiment? I thought that was Loremaster.

[Atariangamer]

no...the experiment that was created during the rush

[ChexCommander]

Which rush?

[matthias720]

I was referring to the monster which seizes control on some members and causes them to go on rampages of randomness.

[Batmanifestdestiny]

This topic has been a long time coming.  Should we add the bit about the zorch experiment that went awry and created that horrible randomness beast that roams the forums from time to time in search of hapless victims?

me?


Also, don't forget this rule: try not to fail too much, for the fail whale can smell failure a mile away, and eats all who fail themselves or utter the word fail towards others.

Of course, the fail whale sends them to the abysses of Forum Games. (btw, you still have that pic, bmd?)

Matthias: What experiment? I thought that was Loremaster.

Yes, I still have it


@CC: The Rush is Rushnerd.