Author Topic: "They came so quick"  (Read 3698 times)

Offline Kuwabara

  • "I do declare, if that Hina lady doesn't stop spin spin spinnin' in that river..."
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 3
  • -Receive: 17
  • Posts: 10364
"They came so quick"
« on: April 07, 2009, 10:18:16 AM »
Dawn breaks in Chex City as Johnny is woken up by his mother. He stretches and before leaving his room he stares at a poster of his rolemodel Chexter, admiring the strength and courage radiating from his eyes. "Good morning Mom!" Johnny says as he sits down at the breakfast table. The sun sparkles off of the golden brown hair of Johnny's mother as she prepares a breakfast of sausage, eggs, and a bowl of rice Chex. "Good morning honey." she says as she puts his breakfast in front of him. "Are you ready for school today?". "Yeah!" Johnny exclaims, sending a bit of egg from his fork flying. "Today someone from Chex Squadron is gonna talk to the class!" "I hope he lets me try his Zorcher..." Johnny says in a daydream implying tone. "Well your not gonna see him if you don't leave soon" Johnny's mother says pointing at the clock indicating 8:05 A.M. "Oh man! I'm gonna be late!" Johnny runs out of the backdoor putting on his backpack mid-run. "Bye Mom!"

The house is all quiet, save for the small sizzling sound of the sausage pan cooling in the sink and the quiet news report going on in the small TV on the kitchen counter. She barely catches the word "flemoid" on the TV, but she doesn't think much of it. "I've heard 'flemoid' enough to last me a lifetime" she thinks as she gathers her stuff and steps out the door for a day of errand running.

Sitting in his desk, Johnny sits eagerly waiting for class to begin. Johnny doesn't remember being this excited in a long time, not since his dad took him to look around Bazoik 5 or so years ago. Johnny starts to feel sad as he remembers his dad. He was a miner on Bazoik when the Flemoids came. He didn't make it out. Any sadness Johhny starts to feel is instantly swept away in a sea of excitement when he sees a man walk in, carrying a suit of Chex armor that seems almost too big for him to hold. Johnny's eyes widen to the size of plates when he sees the Zorcher protruding from the man's pocket. "Hello kids," he says waving to the class, "I am Barthelochex, a member of the Chex Squadron". He then gives a explanation about what the Chex Squadron was founded for and, after 15 minutes, he asks "Any questions?". Johnny raises his hand faster then a bullet. But just as his hand got as high as it could go, a loud, low crash is heard not too far off from the school. Then, the lights went out and the kids started screaming. Johnny was nervous, but not too worried, because "A man from Chex Squadron is here!" he thought, "Nothing bad can happen if he's here to save the day!".

30 minutes pass and the lights still haven't turned back on. The kids are getting loud and anxious. "Everyone quiet down!" said the teacher who, until now, just stood in the background letting Barthelochex take all of the attention. Dead silence prevails for only a moment when a blood-chilling scream is heard just outside the window of the classroom. Barthelochex slowly peeks out of the blinds of the window. A look of absolute shock on his face reveals his deep fear and, like a shockwave of surprise that comes from popping a balloon, a green arm like thing breaks through the window, attaching itself to Barthelochex's face. He screams as he is violently pulled through the window to the outside. Standing outside the window, is a ever growing number of Flemoids. For the first and last time of his life, Johnny is truely scared.

Chexter lands in the spaceport of Chex City at around 8:00 PM.  He first notices that no one is at the port.  He finds that odd, but continues on to the rest of the city. Emerging from the port, he sees the streets filled with green piles of slime.  He then notices the body parts protruding from the slime.  Chexter stands there in shock until he hears a whisper of a moan from one of the piles of slime.  He runs to the pile. A woman with golden brown hair is in the center of a slime pile, her face turning a deep purple from suffocating slowly. She whispers in a strained voice to Chexter. "They...they came so quickly....... where is my son?.......where is my Johnny........?" She then closes her eyes, and never opens them again.

(Inspiration came from Atari's Pregame story)
« Last Edit: April 08, 2009, 09:56:00 AM by Kuwabara »

Chex Quest Fan Forums

"They came so quick"
« on: April 07, 2009, 10:18:16 AM »

Offline Replica

  • What do I have to do to get Arch-Vile to like me?
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 9
  • -Receive: 15
  • Posts: 8233
    • Chex Quest Replica!
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2009, 10:37:44 AM »
O_O

Great job on this. :)
I know what you're thinking. No, I don't like peanut butter.

If I had to choose between the real world or the Chex Quest Fan forums; I'd choose the Chex Quest fan forums.

Offline matthias720

  • Mr. Whaleware
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 25
  • -Receive: 30
  • Posts: 9101
  • Up! Up! And ...
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2009, 10:53:10 AM »
O_O

Great job on this. :)
QFT!  I think you did a great job Kuwabara.  Keep it up.
:whale :caineware :ninjaware :whale :caineware :ninjaware

Offline TheMasterOfBattle

  • The Forgotten Warrior
  • Global Moderator
  • Chex Master
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 0
  • -Receive: 2
  • Posts: 3636
  • I still got it.
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2009, 10:56:53 AM »
O_O

Great job on this. :)
QFT!  I think you did a great job Kuwabara.  Keep it up.

QFT the QFT! XD


Forgotten I may be, my legend will live on.

Offline Atariangamer

  • Somebody You Used To Know
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 20
  • -Receive: 52
  • Posts: 11730
  • Where do you want to go today?
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2009, 12:42:34 PM »
Sweet! I was thinking about doing a CQ2 one...Mebe i'll just call it "Endgame"...

Really nice. I dont like doing dialogue, but that actually worked. More people just need to take a shot at it.
I used to be cool, y'kno...

Offline Manny Cav

  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 0
  • -Receive: 1
  • Posts: 5548
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2009, 04:06:01 PM »
Wow. That rocks! How dramatic for a Chex Quest story!

EDIT: One thing I'll get you on is that when the speaker changes in a story, a new paragraph should start.
R.I.P. The Game
January 3rd, 1937-
January 7th, 2010

Offline ChexCommander

  • #1 Bro President
  • Multiplayer Team Leader
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 70
  • -Receive: 19
  • Posts: 10513
  • Stay classy, cats...stay classy
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2009, 09:10:22 PM »
Wow. That rocks! How dramatic for a Chex Quest story!

EDIT: One thing I'll get you on is that when the speaker changes in a story, a new paragraph should start.

What he said. It makes the dialogue look much neater and grammatically-correct.

Besides that, good job, Kuwa!
"I don't cook, either. Not as long as they still deliver pizza." -Tiger Woods

Offline The Green Avenger

  • Sudoku Black Belt
  • Ultimus
  • ***
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 0
  • -Receive: 0
  • Posts: 560
  • Legacy Loyalist
    • Chex Brigade!
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2009, 11:24:23 PM »
Interesting, i like!

(BTW, I think They came so quickly is more correct...  Could just be me, tho)
Visit Chex Brigade, home of Chaos on Flemoid Prime!

The art of winning an argument is not so much proving your own point as it is systematically dismantling your opponent's point, leaving yours as the logical alternative.

Offline Atariangamer

  • Somebody You Used To Know
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 20
  • -Receive: 52
  • Posts: 11730
  • Where do you want to go today?
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #8 on: April 07, 2009, 11:53:20 PM »
everything but quickly...should be fastly XD
I used to be cool, y'kno...

Offline Kuwabara

  • "I do declare, if that Hina lady doesn't stop spin spin spinnin' in that river..."
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 3
  • -Receive: 17
  • Posts: 10364
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2009, 09:25:13 AM »
Wow. That rocks! How dramatic for a Chex Quest story!

EDIT: One thing I'll get you on is that when the speaker changes in a story, a new paragraph should start.

Hmm...I shall edit the story for that.  Thanks for the tips and comments guys!

Offline Chex MangaCat

  • Future actress, current bookwriter, singer....
  • Commonus
  • *
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 0
  • -Receive: 0
  • Posts: 42
  • Yo Peeps! I am a MAJOR Georgie Henley fan!
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2009, 11:15:38 AM »
That was sweet! Keep it up, yo! (Are you having another part, or a secret hero, or something?) ;)

HELLOOOOOOOOO, PEEEEEPS, ANYBODY THERE?

EDIT: Please refrain from double posting like that. Read the board rules to see where you can and can't double post. -Manny Cav


(Ahem!) (Tries to look prim) Excuse me, Manny Cav, I was completely aware of the double posting rule. I did not, though, know that returning a few days later and posting again was a double post. You see, I'm actually pretty new to forums, and I don't mind saying (because it's true) that I am a newbie, but be sure that I understand quite alot if other things that I am new to, thank you very much. (I'm not trying to be rude, just to let you know. Not at all. I am just in a state of indignance, that's all.)
« Last Edit: May 28, 2009, 09:12:29 PM by Chex MangaCat »
GEORGIE! GEORGIE! GEORGIE! GEORGIE! GEORGIE!

Offline ChexCommander

  • #1 Bro President
  • Multiplayer Team Leader
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 70
  • -Receive: 19
  • Posts: 10513
  • Stay classy, cats...stay classy
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2009, 07:42:00 PM »
Chex MangaCat, any time you post, then post again would be considered a double post.

Oh, and...

(I'm not trying to be rude, just to let you know. Not at all. I am just in a state of indignance, that's all.)

in⋅dig⋅nant

feeling, characterized by, or expressing strong displeasure at something considered unjust, offensive, or insulting
"I don't cook, either. Not as long as they still deliver pizza." -Tiger Woods

Offline Kuwabara

  • "I do declare, if that Hina lady doesn't stop spin spin spinnin' in that river..."
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 3
  • -Receive: 17
  • Posts: 10364
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #12 on: July 18, 2009, 03:45:25 PM »
Behold! I did a reading of this story, inspired by Atari's reading of my story Birth.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YC19cc3dtsk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YC19cc3dtsk</a>

Offline Atariangamer

  • Somebody You Used To Know
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 20
  • -Receive: 52
  • Posts: 11730
  • Where do you want to go today?
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #13 on: July 18, 2009, 09:50:57 PM »
great! it catches on...
and amazingly clear! (no offense)
I used to be cool, y'kno...

Offline matthias720

  • Mr. Whaleware
  • Snot Lord
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 25
  • -Receive: 30
  • Posts: 9101
  • Up! Up! And ...
Re: "They came so quick"
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2009, 12:19:04 AM »
I hope the whole "narrated fan-fic" thing catches on.
:whale :caineware :ninjaware :whale :caineware :ninjaware

 

Web Hosting by InMotion Hosting