Author Topic: The Groaner Thread, New Edition  (Read 2002 times)

Offline Boingo the Clown

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The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« on: March 25, 2019, 11:53:06 PM »
About a year before New DooM shut down, I created a thread called "The Groaner Thread" for users to write down their own original jokes and funny stories.

In honour of that thread, I am going to start a new thread to do more of the same.

There are only two rules (aside from the usual rules of this forum):

1.) Each joke must be an original joke  by you--NOT a joke you heard on TV or heard from one of your friends.  It must be one of your own.

2.) It must be a groaner.

Okay?

Are you ready?

Here goes!


  • Today I made a flower necklace out of corn chips.
    I call it my "Frito Lay".


  • Q. How many times did the German man say "No"?

    A. Nine.


  • Conan got tired of swinging a sword around and decided to go to hairdressing school.
    Now he's Conan the barber.


  • Q. Why was the boat upside down in the hat shop?

    A. He was getting his cap sized.



Knock yourselves out!

Chex Quest Fan Forums

The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« on: March 25, 2019, 11:53:06 PM »

Offline ChelonianEgghead

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2019, 08:57:51 PM »
What do you call someone who does massages for a living? A massage-ynist.
Remind me — Avengers Infinite Warfare was about the Justice League teaming up with the Galaxy Quest crew to stop that Thanos guy from Fortnite from collecting the 7 chaos emeralds and activating the Ark, right? Really is the boldest crossover in film history.

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2019, 03:57:28 PM »
Q.  What is the best US state to greet a Japanese person in?

A.  Ohio.

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2019, 10:02:47 AM »
Q.) What do you call a wig made for a Chinese dog?

A.) A sharpei toupé.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2019, 10:16:56 AM by Boingo the Clown »

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2019, 11:58:52 PM »
After several days of internet communication, I finally scored a date with a girl named "Anne Udda".

I got on the bus on the appointed day, and headed across town to meet her.  I was very nervous.  When I reached the stop, I was horrified to discover that my nervous sweat had caused the ink on the directions to smear.  The address I was supposed to meet Anne at was almost completely illegible.

I squinted and looked as carefully as I could at the address.  "253" perhaps?

I drew a deep breath, plucked up my courage, and strode boldy up on to the porch of the house marked "253".

A large middle-aged man confronted me.

"What are you doing here?" he growled.

"I'm looking for a girl." I said.

"There ain't no girl here." said the man.  "You've come to the wrong place.  Now get out!"

"But I'm certain this is her address." I said.  "We have a date."

"I SAID 'GET OUT'!" Hollered the man angrily.

He then punched me squarely in the face.  The blow was like a freight train.  It hit me so hard it knocked me off my heels. I fell backwards off the porch , and landed hard, sprawling on the walkway.

The man looked down at me and shouted, "AND DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK UNLESS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ANNE UDDA!"

Hearing this, I leapt back up to my feet.

"Yes! Yes!" I said excitedly.  "I'm looking for Anne Udda!  I'm looking for Anne Udda!"

He hit me again.
« Last Edit: June 24, 2019, 12:25:37 AM by Boingo the Clown »

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2019, 05:14:31 PM »
Q.

Why does the Titanic shiver?


A.

It's a nervous wreck.

Offline ChelonianEgghead

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #6 on: July 24, 2019, 12:45:14 AM »
Q). What did Aunt Beru tell Luke whenever he ate with his knife?

A). Use the fork, Luke!

Although I doubt I'm the first go come up with that.
Remind me — Avengers Infinite Warfare was about the Justice League teaming up with the Galaxy Quest crew to stop that Thanos guy from Fortnite from collecting the 7 chaos emeralds and activating the Ark, right? Really is the boldest crossover in film history.

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2019, 12:23:44 AM »
I managed to make a weapon out of old computer parts.

I made a USBB gun.

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2019, 04:52:07 PM »
Q.

 What do you call presidential assistants who are not allowed in the club anymore?


A.

 Banned aides.
« Last Edit: October 07, 2019, 07:16:57 PM by Boingo the Clown »

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2019, 10:40:28 PM »
Watson: What kind of rock is this Holmes?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

Watson: Holmes. How did you know the device was hidden in that man's digestive system?
Holmes: It was Alimentary, my dear Watson.
« Last Edit: December 24, 2019, 10:47:14 PM by Boingo the Clown »

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2020, 10:46:37 PM »
Did I ever tell you about the time I hooked up a trailer to my car with only a chain?

Well, the chain broke and the trailer flipped over on the highway.

You could say it all went off without a hitch.

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #11 on: January 14, 2020, 08:19:40 PM »
"Blah. Blah. Blah."
                 -- Bob Loblaw
« Last Edit: January 14, 2020, 08:28:24 PM by Boingo the Clown »

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #12 on: March 14, 2020, 04:01:56 PM »
With the spread of the Coronavirus in recent months, the beer industry is trying to keep up.

This week, Budweiser anounced it is developing  a Budweiservirus and a Bud Lite virus, and expects to release them some time around late August.

Molson and Coors are also rumoured to be developing their own viruses.

Bill Newlands, CEO behind Corona says he is not worried about the new competition, and the company plans on creating new viruses for their other brands.  When asked for further coment, he responded, "Bring it on!".

Offline Boingo the Clown

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Re: The Groaner Thread, New Edition
« Reply #13 on: March 21, 2020, 11:26:12 PM »
There's great news from Marvel Comics.  There's a new superhero in town.

He is 15 years old, and he has the power to make people sick.

They call him "Quaran-Teen".

 


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